Everybody has moments in our everyday when our emotions are not quite content. Satisfied. Perfectly happy. Life is imperfect. Turbulent. Like a sheet of music with waves of ups and downs. And these can lead us to fear. Fear of the unknown. The uncontrollable. The unchangeable. It grasps our hearts with its dark coils. The hold of darkness and negativity in our hearts triggered by the powerlessness over our circumstances in life, even for those with the purest intentions in our souls, is often unshakable.
For me it is during twilight that this hold feels strongest. When the sunshine goes out of this world and we are plunged into darkness, hopelessness over my own life and fear of a lonely future threatens to overpower me, bringing me down to the depths of depression and panic attacks.
It is in these moments where my soul is pulled underneath the currents of a dark, unfathomable, terrifying ocean of negativity that I wish to fight.
I breathe in every morning, standing under the sunshine, letting the warmth and love of the rays, permeate and penetrate through every pore of my being. I breathe it deep in with my skin, my outer being, and let it to flow through to the cores of my inside, body, mind and soul. When I close my eyes facing the sun, the vision inside my eyes is not coated with darkness, rather all I can see is a warm glow like the embers of fire.
I let the sunshine and the positivity of the little green plants and flowers trickle through me, filling up my soul. The smell of the leaves, blossoms and soil seep strongly into me, standing under the sun. I gather this undiluted, refreshing pureness into myself to form a reservoir of energy thrumming with its strong, golden vibrations of goodness. There is nothing stronger than love and goodness in this universe. Negativity is an illusion that swallows us like a tsunami. Nonetheless, it is a mere illusion. A mirage. The peak of righteousness and love touches the sun and that light never stops shining on us.
I want this positivity and strong hope to engulf me. Envelope me. Surround and flow out through me. I want this massive fountain of light fill and radiate from my soul during those moments of darkness. Annihilating it. Wiping it out from the phase of existence. Obliterating it like a plague that cripples our souls expunged. The searing light of positivity, hope and cheer removing and ending the negativity that clutches at and suffocates the inner dazzling glow of our true self. I want to shine with love and warmth for everything and everyone around us, just like the sun.
I want my heart and soul to be filled with sunshine. I want to be this warrior of sunlight.
Photo: Marcy NP